It’s been a hell of a weekend.
My eyes are tired, my body physically aches, my head is foggy- and no, I’m not coming down with a cold.
We came down with something completely different, yet 1000x worse than a cold.
Without further ado, may I present “Exhaustion”, or
My Weekend in Famous Paintings.
My beautiful blue guest room is a war zone right now.
Everything cloth in the room has been put through the dryer, securely bagged and taken to the garage for storage. Because bed bugs can live MONTHS without feeding (insidious little bastards) our guest room is essentially “out of order” until January at the earliest. I tip-toe in twice a day to check on the traps we put under each bed leg- tupperware containers full of diatomaceous earth with vaseline spread on the sides to catch any bugs crawling off the bed in search of a meal. If you’re a bed bug newbie- as I was until Friday- diatomaceous earth is non-toxic to humans & animals, but for the bed bugs it feels like crawling across a bed of glass. They get all sliced up and die horribly dehydrated in a matter of days.
These bugs are notoriously difficult to get rid of. The exterminator quoted us $925 to treat THE ENTIRE HOUSE- mattress encasements on both beds, spraying poison & dusting poison powder, heat treatments, daily examinations for bugs (for a week), and a month warranty. We do not have that kind of money.
I’m not advocating “doing it yourself” if you have a serious infestation- hell no.
Since we caught ours on literally day 2, and no one has been bitten yet (bed bugs are like a freaky video game- they have 5 life stages and have to feed on blood in each stage in order to “molt” and move on to the next one. Only when they reach the final stage can they reproduce and lay eggs) we are hoping that the bugs are confined to the bed in the guest room. Again, that’s the only place the dog alerted.
- $99- K-9 Home Inspection
- $70- 2 full-size “Aller-ease” mattress covers for guest room (Walmart)
- $80- 1 king-size and 2 twin-size “Aller-ease” mattress covers for master bedroom (Walmart)
- $5- 8 tupperware containers for bed bug traps under each bed leg
- $4- vaseline for bed bug traps
- $0- food-grade diatomaceous earth (would be $8 at Tractor Supply but got for free from my parents) for everywhere
- $20- 1 bottle of wine (for me) and 1 bottle of vodka (for Mark)- THIS COUNTS, TRUST ME.
Total: $278 (so far). If we continue to not see any in our traps or get bitten, we will call in the K-9 unit again in a month to verify that the bugs haven’t spread, that’s another $99. All because our house guests didn’t feel the need to tell us about their situation, or let us take any proper precautions before they stayed with us.
I need a nap.
And some more wine.